I think it's a basic human desire to want to be in a situation that really tests your limits; just to really try your strengths to their extent and leave you empty. I've never really been in a situation like this. My life has been relatively relaxed. The only time I think that a human being will really push their limit, though, is when it is life or death for them or somebody they love.
If I could die tomorrow, without regret and having saved someone, I would absolutely make that choice. Think about it.
So my sister took me out with her group of friends out to Sydney last night. Here's the scenario. It was a group of seven attractive girls who were used to going out and....me. I'm not an unrealistic person, I wasn't expecting "something" to happen; it wasn't that kind of night. It's just hard for me to open up to that caliber of girl without really getting to know them chugging hard liquor. Thanks to them, though, they were very nice and I did have a lot of fun for a while. I mostly sat there and looked around while they talked and laughed; while I would occasionally laugh at one of their jokes.
Then we met these three guys; Liam, Daniel, and Tom. Daniel was "canoodling" with Amanda (the hottest one, imho). Tom was with a girl named Rachel (also very attractive). Liam, however, decided to "take me out to find some girls," as he put it. For those of you who know me and how I am, you know that this didn't work out too well. I'm not saying I didn't have fun walking around watching him talk to girls while sticking to the walls; it's just not the first thing I do at a club.
In conclusion, I know that the group of girls will, unfortunately, never read this; but thanks. I look the youngest out of all of you and don't particularly fit in socially, but thanks for making a me a member of the group for one night, at least.
Well I'm in day 4 now. To recap, I've eaten at a lot of places. I saw my sister sing in her a cappella group (she was amazing, and so was the rest of her group; I'm happy i went). I walked around Sydney and went to the top of the Sydney Eye (tall building, looked around). We saw the botanic garden, which includes thousands of bats. After that we went to the Sydney Opera House and ate at one of the most expensive eateries I've ever been to. We went there, had a few beers and four appetizers. Then we payed $120. It seemed almost like two separate events.
The things that I've done here have been interesting, to say the least, but I feel like I am not the type of person that would appreciate this type of "sight-seeing" vacation. I don't want to seem ungrateful, although I'm sure that I will, but I just don't like this kind of ooh-look-at-that-it's-so-pretty type of lifestyle that we are living here. I am going to go out and party with my sister and her friends at some point and that sounds fun. Other than that, I just find the constant walkaround of the place boring.
If it wasn't for my sister, I think that I would be about ready to go home. I miss my computer, being the kind of person I am, and I miss my home. I'm sure I will enjoy the rest of our stay, but that will be more out of necessity than true interest.
Well I've been in Australia for almost a full day. It was really good to see my sister, as she met us at the airport. She did her best to show us around the city, or at least as much of the city we were awake enough to see.
While I was exploring Australia, there are many differences that I have noticed. I will do my best to start with the ones that everyone knows, and go on to the more obscure/subtle differences.
Everyone drives and walks on the left. Also, people drive on the right side of the car. This means all the controls are reversed, as well. That means that whenever we make a turn, the windshield wipers go off instead of the turn signals.
The accents are cool. I've always loved an Australian accent. A hot girl with an Australian accent becomes an even hotter girl.
The money is different. It's worth a small percentage more than American dollars. Also, everything here is way more expensive. My sister ordered a burger yesterday for $25.
When you say "thank you," people don't say "you're welcome." They say "no worries" or "not a problem."
There are two different buttons for flushing a toilet. A small flush, and a big flush; this depends on, well, you get the point.
They love being "green." There are a number of things that have to do with conserving energy. Every wall socket has a switch that you turn off when it isn't being used, for example.
There is no heat in the houses. When it gets cool (we are heading into Australia's winter right now), you just put on a sweater, or turn on a space heater.
Pineapple on hamburgers. Revolutionary. America, please do your part.
Birds are annoying. Really annoying.
I can drink. I haven't had a full fledged legal drink, but since the drinking age is 18, I will be taking advantage of that at some point.
That's all I can think of for now. I'm sure I'll update with more later.
So I’m on the flight(s) to Australia. The one I’m
currently on is going to San Francisco. It’s a six hour flight, and I will be
arriving at 7:30 PST and thereafter post this online (I’m writing in Word
whilst 20,000 feet above everyone). After that, I will be sitting for about a
two and a half hour layaway in the airport. After that, it’s off to Australia!
I have no idea how long the flight is going to be, but it will be long.
Luckily, I am riding in a 747, which I’m pretty sure just stands for 747 “plane
units” bigger than the planes that you normally fly in… I just hope it means
more leg room possibly. For now, though, I have to live through about two more
hours of this. It’s not bad really, I’m not one to complain; I can just sit and
listen to music, having already slept for about an hour.
right leg fell asleep, though, which kind of sucks. I’m in a window seat (thank
god) and my right leg is all the way against the wall, with two people to my
left. They are both asleep with many things in their lap, so I’m not about to
tell them to get up just so I can use the bathroom; young bladder, I can hold
it. Other than that, I put two full seasons of Doctor Who on my laptop, I have
3,000+ songs on my iPhone, and I have my 3DS with about eight games. So,
naturally, I’m incredibly bored and have nothing to do. I guess I’ll put on the
So, today I'm leaving for Australia. 99% of the reason I'm going is to see my sister. I haven't seen her in months and I miss her a lot. I'll do my best to post what I'm doing while I'm there to keep everyone up to speed. I am pretty much fully packed but I only have an hour to get everything else together. That means I have to go, unfortunately.
So...I'm here. I'm at the end of my first year of college. What have I learned? I know several more drinking games than I care to admit. I've learned that you can skip classes in college and still do fine, but you really shouldn't. When I ask my roommate what we've learned in college, he literally just shrugs and says "I'm gay." Well that's what he learned; big life change; I'm happy for him.
But for me? I don't think I've changed that much. I think I've learned to be more patient in every situation. I hide my emotions better. In contrast, I might be a louder person as well... There may have been classes teaching me things; little tidbits of information I'll have to call on at one point or another in my life. Other than that, though, I'm just going to do my best to continue my college life as long as I can.
I guess out of everything that I may or may not have learned, I've learned that when I'm sitting in my bed late at night, blogging/thinking about how miserable I think my life is, I can just go to sleep and forget about it in the morning. I can do my best to remain completely ignorant or maybe just apathetic towards the downfalls of my life.
Yesterday was Mother's Day. That's a ridiculous holiday that has no historical significance whatsoever... I'm not bashing mothers, don't think that I am. My Mom has done everything for me and I thank her for it. I would never be who I am today without her. Holidays, though, like this one, are just flat out ludicrous in the fact that they only exist for companies to sell cards and a breathtaking amount of flowers. What really disgusted me today is when I went to Giant to buy a card. They're so non personal that I couldn't even stand being there.
Other holidays, too; they're all pretty much the same. It's hard to describe, but it just stems off of my hate for the way consumer products are advertised. There's so much fallacy in the way that everything is presented, but everyone, including me, just continues to ignorantly eat it all up.
Why is it so difficult for people, including me, to feel a second of vulnerability, or more importantly, self awareness?
When you can look at yourself and actually understand what you're looking at is something that is great. I just find it so difficult to feel that, because I like to think of myself as an enigma, if that makes any sense. It's difficult to feel like an open book, where anyone can take a read and know exactly how you feel.
That's why I try my best to mask myself behind humor and overall insecurity. All of us have something that we hide behind. Whether it's just a wall of silence, or the whole "tough guy" act, we all have two identities.
We are what we show people.
We are what we actually are.
Well, I guess we actually have three; we just haven't admitted the third one to ourselves yet.
Sorry, it's been a while since my last post. I don't really have an excuse; I haven't been busy or sick; things just haven't really happened in a while. I also just haven't had the motivation to post anything, my bad.
My classes are pretty much over, at least the stressful things, so now I have nothing to worry about. This marks the end of my first year of college. I've changed a lot I guess; my outlook on life has, at least. I have to point out something, though, that I never really thought would happen. Right now, I don't have that much to stress about; I have a great life. I'm still miserable, though.
I've told this to a few loved ones, too, that I can't remember any part of my life where I truly succeeded or was legitimately happy. Sure I can have fun, anyone can; I just always have some part of me that feels awful.
I want to reach out to someone. I want someone who I can actually talk to about everything. Not just that, I want someone who will ask me how I'M feeling, instead of the other way around. I'll find someone, I suppose.
Or maybe I've already found Her, and I don't even know it.......