Platonic

In my opinion, in 95% of cases, there is no possible way for a girl and a guy (provided they are both heterosexual) to be strictly friends. One of them will always desire more out of the other. You might be reading this saying "but Anon and I get along fine with nothing more!" If you are, then you are either in the 5% (lucky you), or the other person is very good at hiding the feelings he/she has towards you.

To explain this I have to appear very shallow. Behind every person lies a number, their rating, if I may. Let's just say, for the sake of argument that this number is between 1 and 10. Obviously, no one is the same rating exactly, but I'm going to explain it easily because I'm lazy. If a boy and a girl know each other and the guy is a 6 and the girl is an 8 (I hate the way that sentence is worded but I can't find another way), then the guy will pretty much always desire the girl, because she is two "points" above him.

All human beings are intrinsically shallow, whether they admit it or not. Upon seeing an amazingly attractive female, all men will lust (sorry to ruin your shroud of ignorance). It is also true the other way around, but it mostly applies to males.

So before you see your friend as just a friend with no complications, consider the possibility of him wanting more out of the relationship, regardless of what he's actually told you in person. 

- D

Not About Me

Even the mighty fall. Recently, one of my two best childhood friends had sort of a shitty week. The first thing that happened was he learned he was moving from Virginia to LA. LA might be fun, but he is leaving a lot of his friends and family behind. Then, worse happened. His girlfriend of about two years broke up with him. He sort of saw this coming but refused to actually realize it as real until she actually told him. I'm kind of tired right now; I might continue this story later. I just wish I could go to Stanford to see him...

- D

Tidbit

You know if you REALLY want to make a point, you capitalize the words that you think you should? (See what I did there)? What if I want to capitalize the word "I" in a sentence. It sucks. I could bold it. I could italicize it. But nothing gets the point across as much as capitalizing the word.

- D

College

I have changed since I went to college. A lot. I've gone from mindless gamer to mindless gamer who has a decent social life. That doesn't mean I don't still lurk 4chan or baww over my complete lack of sex appeal; I just do other things along with that. I think some of the people around me have noticed, too. My emotions have completely made full circle as well. I like to think that my overall outlook on life has changed, but sadly I cannot say that this is true. 

I'm still depressed. I'm still confused. I'm still completely lost in the emotions I can't control. I wish you knew what I actually feel. I wish I knew what I actually feel.

- D

English 101 Rant

The term "accidental plagiarism" shouldn't exist. That's ridiculous. I mean, I'm sorry if I write a worthless college paper and forget to give you all the credit that you're due. Truly, my bad. But that shouldn't get me a lower grade on the assignment. If you're wondering why I'm writing about this, it's just because we were talking about it in class... I didn't actually get caught for anything like this.

Anyways, back to business. Most complaints by teachers against plagiarism is bullshit, anyways. This type of complaint isn't going to stop the people who are actually going to try and plagiarize an entire paper (find it online and buy/download it); but it is going to hinder those students who are actually trying to do the work correctly and get a good grade. And again, I'm not bashing citations as a whole, because citations are definitely important to give credit where it's due.

But just the mere fact that someone can get into trouble for forgetting a citation or putting it in the wrong place, is very fucked up. No one should have to "avoid" plagiarism. The only way plagiarism should happen, is if someone is trying to plagiarize.

- D

Silver Lining

I guess I should start focusing on the more entertaining part of life, not the shitty way my life is going. Earlier today, I found out that someone that lives next to me is writing their Conflict Resolution paper on ME. That's right, they are writing about having a conflict with yours truly. This totally made my day. It isn't often that you make an impact on one's life, and a negative impact is all the more satisfying. Even so, I'm just glad that someone actually sees me as an influential part in this world; it doesn't matter what/who I'm influencing.

On an unrelated note, a wise man that is very close to me told me to "Transcend your ego." This is exactly what someone like me needs to do if they are at all going to enjoy life. This is also what I must do if I plan to live to my full potential. I have an absurdly bloated ego. The thing I need to learn to do is actually do things that compliment my ego positively. I need to go out and do amazing things because of the fact that I am an amazing person with an amazing intellect.

- D

Obby

There's always that one guy that I know, but whom I also despise. And there is never a good reason for me to despise him or her. In this case, it's a guy on my floor who I shall leave nameless. He seems to be pretty well liked among the others on the floor and he leads a fairly passive lifestyle, but there is just something about him that makes me not like him.

He's not very smart, but who am I to judge. He doesn't really do anything for others and he mooches a lot, but again, I do those things. I don't know why it is, but it just makes me angry every time that he's around, even if he isn't doing anything.

I don't think it's just me, either. You know what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about your general ass hat that you don't like. I'm also not referring to the person that you don't like just because he has something you want. I'm referring to the guy who is just sometimes around who really puts you on edge for no reason whatsoever. It could be the way they eat, or the way they move their mouth when they talk. It might even be something as simple as how they walk or the sound of their laugh but it is these people that make me more angry than most things can.

- D

PS: Post #50

Her Part Last

It's hard for me to be around you, so I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't know how you feel, but just let me know. I need to do something that will provide some sort of closure.

For now, I'm just going to keep to myself. I have realized that I am not a party person. I normally much prefer to just be alone in my room doing absolutely nothing, or hanging out with other loners that don't really give a shit about the tiring social norms of our time. I'm fucking exhausted of all the "rules" that I'm supposed to follow in order to not be ridiculed or not be called a "faggot." Come on guys, are we still in high school?

But I digress... TO HER: I'm not mad at you. I still love you, though you don't know it and might never. I just don't think it's that easy for me to be around you anymore.

- D

Hatred

I've slowly began to hate everyone around me. I'm not talking directly about anyone (right now I'm not, at least), but I do feel things about specific people that make me eager to leave this room after this semester and be with a new group of friends. People have just started doing things/I've realized certain things about people that just makes me not want to be around them. So many people have so many ways about them that just add to my list of hundreds of pet peeves.

There are still plenty of people that I enjoy being around, sure, but there are just so many that I wouldn't mind not seeing again. Oh well...hopefully this will pass. I feel like Professor Farnsworth.

- D

Checking In

I've been pretty down lately. My life isn't going the way it really should be. My grades are actually picking up, which I didn't actually expect. I just don't like how my relationships are going at school. It's hard to explain, but I've had trouble with the people around me a lot and it is really starting to get old. I don't mind people using me for small things. I don't mind people hating me, because I understand why they do (most of the time).

The only thing I absolutely can't stand is people lying to me, or leading me on. I can normally tell, but when it comes to certain people I definitely can't. So if you have a problem with me, or really want to tell me something, please do. Don't keep secrets, it's stupid, I normally don't get mad about anything so just tell me.

- D

Motivation

Motivation can strike at the oddest times. Last night, I was eating with a few friends and afterwards, I decided to go work out...directly after eating. GOOD IDEA, MAN. So I went and I rowed a 10k. For those of you that don't know what that entails, it is the use of nearly every core muscle in your body for about 40-42 minutes. It sucked, but afterwards I felt awesome...took a cold shower...and went to sleep.

This really makes me think about how people actually get motivated...and to be honest I don't even know how it works at all. Sorry to waste your time...

- D

Mistakes

We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. I don't care who you are; you've done things you regret. But most of us have fairly good intentions. We mean well for ourselves, but we just don't know how to do it.

I'm in danger of failing out of college. My friends have told me, I have told myself, and my parents have told me. I don't know what to do, though. I can't bring myself to work. I can't bring myself to do things with my life that are right. Last night, a friend of mine and I nearly finished a full handle of rum. I don't even feel that bad about it, I have no regrets. But this ISN'T what I should be doing with my college experience, it really isn't.

Why can't I do what's right?

- D

Exhaustion

I've been feeling incredibly...tired; I'm just not ready to do anything anymore. I don't know what it is. It could be the fact that I'm disgustingly lazy, or it could be the fact that I definitely think to much about my life. I just wish there was some way I could start feeling more awake and actually ready to ACCOMPLISH something.

Take right now for example. I'm sitting in my dorm, it isn't even 11:00 PM and I'm about to go to bed. One of my best friends is coming back soon and we could hang out or do something, but I just don't feel the motivation to stay up... I've tried caffeine, oh yes, but one caffeine addiction and no change later I decided that that's not going to work. I literally can't think of much else to try to just get me out of bed and into my classes, my school. I want to have the discipline to do the work, I really do...but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

And you know what's ironic? I won't even fall asleep for another two hours...

- D

Stumped

Leave a comment or something on what I should blog about. I'm on spring break, therefore nothing important happens in my life, therefore there's nothing to blog on.

You still reading?

- D

Lackadaisical

I've become a very easygoing person recently. I see myself as being more patient and definitely more calm in every situation.

I think that it is a good way to live spontaneously. I don't like to plan anything, and if things are actually planned, I tend to stray from the guidelines set by the planners, whomever (or is it whoever) they may be. This lifestyle is incredibly fun and I credit it to a lot more opportunity to have fun. This way, if someone calls me to see if I'm free to hang out, I normally am. On the other hand, if I kept a schedule, I would end up regretting having to say no to certain people if they want to see me.

I'm very tired, having gorged myself on some soup, cheese, crackers, orange juice, and whipped cream as a midnight snack. I'm going to go to sleep now.

- D

Opinions

Sorry for not posting for a while. I have been extremely tired recently and whenever I'm not with friends or gaming, I'm asleep. That mixed with the excitement from being home for a week for spring break is causing me to lose a lot of my spare time for this kind of thing. Thank you for your concern but I am NOT dead, despite my sloth-like existence.

I have realized that many people hold many different opinions on certain things. Most of these are probably wrong, but it is these opinions that help us make it through the day. We convince ourselves that certain things are true so we can just move on with our lives. When these opinions are proven to be wrong, however, we dismiss them as juvenile and absurd while accepting the new found truth.

I don't even know what I'm talking about at this point. It certainly sounded a lot better in my head...

- D

Emotionless

I have reached a point in my life where I just don't feel any strong emotions about anything, and it's starting to bore me. I haven't been mad at someone to the point of actually yelling in a long time. I miss it. I'm not saying that yelling is a good way to live a life, but it is a healthy way of getting rid of pent up rage.

I've felt sad, as you can probably tell, but never sad enough to really care or change anything. That's why right now I'm hoping to turn towards exercise to help produce some sort of emotional reaction, whether it's just extreme pain. I really do miss being mad... No one at my school has seen me truly angry. And again, I'm not saying I should feel rage a lot, but it just feels SO FUCKING GOOD to let shit like that out.

- D

Her Part One

She shares all of my interests. She laughs at all of my jokes. She decides to spend a lot of time with me. Don't even get me started on her looks.

But, alas, she doesn't seem to be interested in anything else in our relationship, just like every other girl. She is committed to a guy that doesn't go to her school currently and isn't anywhere near her. I understand and I'm sorry that I feel this way, but damnit it's not exactly fair. I feel shallow or even mean for saying this; but it isn't fair that such perfect human beings can walk this earth, especially when I'm so close to them but can't get any closer.

- D

Comm Class Sitcom Part Two (The Look)

So there I was sitting in comm class watching the sitcom unfold in front of me. Lefty was doing stupid things on his computer hoping to gain Her attention. She decided that She just wanted to watch Righty and everything that he was doing. It was at this time Lefty decided to accidentally knock one of Her papers onto the floor, and then proceed to be the fine gentleman he is and pick it up. He was surprisingly smooth when he dropped it, but when he picked it up and gave it to Her, She took it and didn't even say thanks.

Then, his smile faded, he looked at his computer, and in the reflection of the computer screen, I saw his face turn into the sad image of a child who's toy was just taken away. We all know that feel, man....

- D

Sad Things

First things first...sorry I haven't posted very much recently, my now 9, and I'm assuming loyal, followers. I have been feeling extremely tired recently. And when I'm not in class or glued to the computer, gaming, I am passed out on my bed, or even on the floor (long story). Anyways, back to what I was talking about...

Nothing always ever goes my way, and I'm sure many of you are thinking the same thing. Now this is the part where you assume I'm going to type some bullshit uplifting thing into the box to make everyone feel better in a pathetic attempt  to make MYSELF feel better.

Well you're wrong...fuck you...I don't give a shit about you and neither does anyone else...So do what you want, my friend.

And if you have decided on suicide? Congratulations...the world is now your oyster.

- D